So I'm back because,..well, I have a lot to complain about. This blog has always been great therapy for me. Once you get your feelings "out there" into the blogisphere - you feel the weight of those issues lifted off of you. It's literarily cathartic. (And you'll have to excuse my grammar - I like to make up words)
What's changed in the last year. My job. I should've gone w/my gut last November and turned it down. Although it beats being unemployed....I have learned one thing; I never want a job with the details of "customer service" as part of it, or doing any kind of dispatching. It's just not for me!
Then there was the fall out. A woman I've been friends with since the 80s, kicked our friendship to the curb. I can't say I was surprised. Actually, I'm shocked it took her this long. Things have been going downhill since she got married. And it has nothing to do with her marriage either; her husband is an awesome guy. I just could never do enough for her. I was always the bad friend, my loyalty was always questioned. She's a very nurturing person, almost to a fault and she expected me, even after knowing me all this time, to be exactly like her. But I'm not. I can only be myself. I did care, but never enough in her opinion. She never let go of past issues we had. Forgetting is one thing; she never forgave. So how can you be friends with someone who holds stuff over your head? And then there was my friendship with a woman who she had a falling out with a few years back. She brought that up as well. It used to be the 3 of us; the 3 Musketeers; hanging out whenever we could. But people get older and relationships change. People change. Something blew up between them, it wasn't pretty but I thought we had moved on from it. My friendship with this woman had nothing to do with her, but she never saw it that way. She saw it as a betrayal. Their issues had nothing to do with me, so why should I choose sides? That is not my way, never was.
I thought a lot about things after the "dump me" phone call. I thought about my sister and her friends, and my mother and the friends she had at my age. I can't imagine any of them treating my Mom or my sister like this woman has treated me. So although it hurts and I miss it, I will let it go. It was her choice, not mine and she will have to live with it just as much I do.
Also - I had an idea for either a book or a screen play the other night. It's something that's been in my "daydream" mind on and off for years and the other day I was thinking "ya know, I should write it." It might take me a REALLY long time to finish, but I figured it would be a great winter project once the show is over.
So that's things in a nutshell for now. Hopefully the nut won't crack! ;)
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