Let the nail biting begin

Okay, I admit it...I'm nervous. What about? Over tonights ladies long program at the Olympics. Presently my girl Sasha Cohen is in 1st place after the short program and as wonderful as it is, I'm not comfortable in the LEAST for her.
Sasha is my favorite. She has been ever since I first saw her skate and was blown away by her elegance, artistry, ballerina-like body and her amazing physicality. Even if you're not into skating, you can't watch her and not say to yourself "How the hell does she do that?!?!"
Skating itself is hard enough. Balancing on small blades and just going across the ice surface, it's not as easy as it looks folks.
You think you can do it? Fine, go for it. That was good. Okay, now do it backwards. Pick your speed up a little. Oooo... okay, get up...brush yourself off. Now do a spin...but keep your spin foot in one place. Are you okay? Yeah, you can't spot like you do on the floor. I'll give you a second to clear your head. Ready? Okay, now do it again but this time take your left leg and pull it up over your head. That's right...I said OVER your head. Ouch, those boards don't give much do they? Now do it again but bend over your back and look behind you. Woah, watch out! You okay?
Alright, let's try a jump. Yeah, but get some air on it this time. There ya go. Okay, now this time get a spin in it. Well, that was KIND of a spin. Try it again,...just one revolution. Ohhhhh....okay, I've got my cell phone. "Hello....911?"

Baby you can drive my car....

Many times throughout my blogs I've mentioned my love of sports. Football, hockey, Yankees baseball but my present favorite is NASCAR.
I admit, I wasn't a fan at first. I used to call it Neck-car and make other jokes about it but it wasn't until I started watching it that I learned to appreciate the hard work and talent that it takes to be involved in it. Then I went to my first race, and I was HOOKED.

Now also being a woman I do have to tell you that there is definitely some eye candy in the pits and on top of the pitboxes but today I'm going to concentrate on the "talent" behind the wheel.

So here they are, in no particular order:

HERMIE SADLER:
He's what Van Halen sings about in their song Poundcake; home grown and down-home. He's not as well known or as successful on the race track as his younger brother but personally I think he's MUCH better looking and has loads more personality. And he 'rassles in the United Wrestling Federation so you know there's some muscle under that firesuit!

JAMIE MCMURRAY:
A couple of years ago in an episode of NASCAR 360; young Mr. McMurray was shopping for clothes to wear to a country awards show that he was scheduled to appear at. Off came his shirt and down went my chin. You have to understand, Jamie is a tiny guy...who knew he was a such a stacked little package with pecs and tight abs to boot! Notice Anna Porni-kova even appreciates him!

KASEY KAHNE:
Kasey came onto the scene not too long ago and was immediately thrust into the spotlight by being named one of the countries hottest bachelors. Since then young girls every where have been following this sport even though they're not old enough to drive. You have to wonder though: are his eyebrows really that thin or does he have them waxed?

JIMMIE JOHNSON:
Such a great NASCAR name; he's my sisters favorite driver just for that reason. Gotta love the wooley bears and he cleans up nice too. Jimmie set himself up to be hated by most NASCAR fans because he's good looking, isn't from the south, he annunciates but mostly because he's Jeff Gordon's team mate and protege.



JEFF GORDON:
Okay, bring it on all you haters! What's the latest? He's spoiled, he's a whiner, he's over-rated, he's gay? Please. I was even told by a friend of mine who works in NASCAR that the moment he and his wife split Jeff was basically living like Hugh Hefner. I was fortunate enough to meet him a few seasons ago and considering what a big star he is I would've understood if he was the biggest dick on the planet. As it turns out, he was anything but.


TONY STEWART:
Okay, Tony is FAR from being what's considered classically handsome but his looks are not why we like Smoke. He's an A #1 smart ass which gives him far more points than his mug. I did look back a few years and found a picture of him that doesn't include a double chin; not bad!


RYAN NEWMAN:
Yeah, he doesn't have a neck but he's got a degree in engineering, a lead foot and he loves dogs. Not to mention he's far better looking in person than any picture I've ever seen of him.




SCOTT RIGGS:
As one writer mentioned, you have to love those Steve McQueen sideburns and his "aww shucks" demeanor. Riggsy is definitely one of the good guys; approachable, personable and down-right adorable. The Daytona 500 wasn't the same without him.


PAUL MENARD:
His cool presence, his huge brown eyes and hip facial hair. I consider Paul the most overlooked driver in the Busch series. That's what happens when you're the low man on the totem pole at DEI. I'm sure he doesn't mind flying under the radar, but I noticed him!


CASEY MEARS:
Don't let his good guy looks and attitude fool you! I'm sure there's some bad-boy in this charming prince of a racer and that's what makes him irresistible!








and last but not least, CARL EDWARDS:
There are some drivers who can keep their shirts on (Dale Jr) but Carl,....help me out here ladies; I'm a bit speechless. I'm sure Amanda Beard dates him for his personality!

If it walks sideways...

It took me quite a long time to develop a taste for seafood. I was never a big fish fan, which is surprising considering how many my brother and uncles probably had to clean after I caught them off the dock at ours or my grandmothers cottage. Sun fish, those poor devils; they were no match to the eyes and determination of a 7 year old.

When I was younger we used to go to Florida every February and Myrtle Beach, SC every April. We drove most of the time and stopped at the best seafood places on the east coast. Me, I ordered steak.

My first introduction to real seafood was at the hotel we stayed at in Myrtle Beach a few years called The Patricia. This was a REAL southern place; the cooking, the class of it and right down to only black women and men serving the food and cleaning the rooms. You didn't get a choice of what to order at dinner really; what they cooked is what you ate. One of the choices was what you wanted as an appetizer. I didn't like shrimp at the time so I passed on that but somehow became hooked on crabmeat cocktails. I still don't know what was in them but if I think hard enough I can almost taste it.
Then when I was on the road working as a sales manager for a sports telemarketing company I was sent on an assignment in Sarasota, Florida. My apartment was 3 blocks from the beach and about 10 from a really nice island. My Dad and his wife came to visit me while I was there and although they did take me out for a traditional birthday steak dinner we also had smoked fish at some roadside stand and oysters on the half shell. RAW ones. And I tried them. Goopy but good.

I also discovered crab legs when I was traveling; that's alot of work to get at the meat but wow,..you go to the right place to eat that stuff and there's nothing better. When I was running and account in Massachusetts my Mom and my Aunt came to visit me on my birthday. We went out to dinner to this really nice place and when I ordered lobster tail I thought my Mom was going to fall out of her chair.
I've also introduced people to their first full lobsters and have had in-restaurant tutoring sessions with other people (total strangers even) on the art of cracking crab legs.
So as I said to a waiter at Red Lobster one night "If it has claws and walks sideways...BRING IT!"

And the ugly dog wins..AGAIN

I now know as much as I love animals and have a pretty good idea as to what a breed is supposed to look like I can never be a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog show. Why? Because I would never give the Best in Show to an ugly dog.
Afghan hounds wouldn't have a chance with me, neither would a Kuvacz or a Portugese Water Dog. They're so homely they can't stand the sight of themselves in the mirror.
The other night the Best in Show final featured a GORGEOUS Golden Retriever (who just beat out one of my favorites; the Irish Setter), a sturdy and handsome Dalmation, a kick ass Rottweiler, a classic Old English Sheepdog, an adorable pug, a Scottish Deerhound and Spuds MacKenzie. (anyone from the 80's will remember that dog as the face of Bud Light...at least I THINK it was Bud Light)
And who won? I think from my early ranting and raving you can tell that the butt-ugly Bull Terrier beat out all those beautiful dogs. He's so ugly I will not shame this page by posting his picture. (the pic of Mick Jagger below is bad enough) I'm glad I recorded the finale of the show Tuesday night and didn't watch it live. I wouldn't have a working TV right now, it would have my boot in the middle of it. I did watch the recording of all the group finals but didn't even bother watching BIS because it would just have aggravated me.
I've been watching the show for about...10 years now and I can probably count on one hand how many times a physically beautiful dog has won the big prize. I remember the German Shepard who won it back in 1987, the Pomeranian (the only toy dog I could tolerate owning) in 1988 and one of my ALL time favorites; Josh the Newfoundland who won it in 2004. He was awesome and you can tell he made an impression on me because I still remember his name. Josh was gorgeous; big, (155lbs which is the biggest dog to ever win) black, and hairy. He had to be the first BIS I can remember who barked during his judging. You just couldn't stifle his personality. I can't remember who the other finalists were but I do remember there were many ugly dogs in it and I was cringing to think they'd win out over the clunky yet somehow graceful Josh. I actually cheered out loud when he won. Look at him!! Isn't he the best?!?!?!
Yeah, beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but I'm starting to think Westminster judges are pretty blind!

Sasha probably won't miss your ass either Michelle

Okay, is it me or are they making WAY too much out of Michelle Kwan leaving the Olympic games? Give me a break folks. NBC calling her the most important athlete of the games; and then having the gall to say "Michelle Kwan means more to the United States Olympic Committee than maybe any athlete that's ever performed for the U.S. Olympic team". What a slap in the face to all the other athletes who have ever participated in the games. Talk about an over-blown pile of dog crap. She definitely doesn't mean more than the 1980 US Gold Medal winning hockey team did and she never will. I doubt Disney will ever make a movie about her ass; who would pay to see a movie about a total prima-donna. Not me thanks. Mary Lou Retton had more class and charisma.
Don't get me wrong, I think Michelle's a great skater but I'm not going to miss seeing her pout on the podium when there's no gold around her neck. (see years 2002 and 1998) Get over it, get over yourself, you are NOT the best skater in the world. At least not on the Olympic stage Michelle.
I admit, I used to like Michelle back when she was an un-assuming little sprite who floated over the ice with the grace and musicality of a crusty veteran. Somewhere down the line however her success went to her fat head.
Let's face it, skaters are pampered pooches. Walking around in their fur coats, expensive jewelry and skating in their designer dresses. Sometimes you tend to forget they're athletes. That must've been why people screamed when Sasha Cohen almost collided with Michelle during warm ups for the Nationals last year. Excuse me, Michelle looks like she's on steriods and about 10 feet tall compared to little Sasha. Do you really think she was going out there looking to hurt Michelle, let alone herself? Have you ever seen how many girls are on the ice for pre-skate practice and have you noticed how much room they need to set up a jump? How they don't go flying off the surface or into the boards more often is beyond me. So Michelle felt a bit of a breeze,...I'm sure she got over it.
Then there was the previously mentioned Olympics that Michelle was SO positive that she'd win the gold medal that she had a gold outfit and a song that mentioned gold in her Exhibition skate. If that's not putting the cart before the horse I don't know WHAT is. Okay, so Sarah Hughes' win WAS very suprising but that Russian skater, Slutskaya, is no slouch either. Did Michelle really think that just showing up would win her a medal?
And finally, why the hell did she even TRY to make the team this year? Once again that enormous ego of hers I'm sure. I doubt her doctors were telling her that it was a good idea. I also think that the US Olympic commitee has egg on their face now given the fact that they let her on the team knowing full well she wasn't healthy. This was not an extroridinary situation like Nancy Homewrecker Kerrigan getting her knee whacked. Injuries are common in athletics. If you're not healthy, you shouldn't go. You shouldn't get some special try-out behind closed doors that some stuffed shirts decide on. You skate in the Nationals and make the top three, you go. You don't, you can't.
Sorry, not gunna miss you Michelle. But I hear the Ice Capades are hiring.

Watts: "Get your skag and let's go"

Forget Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club (sorry Nikki), or Sixteen Candles (sorry Dong). My all-time favorite John Hughe's movie is Some Kind of Wonderful.
I relived my love for this movie when it ran on Oh! Network the other night. Oh! is another cable channel geared toward women that is having a revolting love-movie-fest from now until that nauseating holiday (is it really considered a HOLiday?) known as Valentine's Day. You know the one; where people go out on dates that they should just do any time of the year and men are expected to shell out big bucks on flowers, candy and jewelry?
I have had two memorable Valentine's Days in my life. One was delivering singing Valentine's telegrams in highschool with my fellow Jazz Choir members and the other was a date I won with a local hockey player. I had lost a bet and had to go on this Dating Game styled show that they held on center ice inbetween periods of a game. It was embarrassing as hell but at least I won and the guy turned out to be a great date. (Of course it's always fun when the organization is picking up the tab and you're told by the waiter that you can use that money to buy drinks!) Don't get me wrong, my loathing of V-Day has nothing to do with bitterness;I just always thought it was a trumped-up, ridiculous holiday that only helped increase sales for Hallmark, FTD and Tiffany's.
Anyways, getting back to the movie...I'm not sure what it is about this movie that I love so much. First of all, I'm not into red-headed men; just the thought of red pubic hair is frightening to me but Eric Stoltz is absolutely adorable in this flick. I can't imagine in reality that looking like that would make ANY guy an outsider no matter what he did or who his best friend was.
Secondly, I can definitely relate to Watts. I always had crushes on guy friends; not only in highschool but even into adulthood. Although mine didn't have the lovely movie-ending that hers did. I also know how it feels to be in a lockeroom with other girls and feel completely inferior. I don't think anyone ever accused me of being a lesbian but I was definitely a tomboy. Still am.
I'll bet alot of the popular girls I didn't like in highschool were very Lea Thompson-esque. Basically very pretty but completely misunderstood. It's hard to take pity on "pretty people with problems" but I'm sure they had some as well. Too bad they had to be a bunch of snooty assholes, I probably would've liked them.

So enjoy however you decide to celebrate the upcoming V-day but you'll have to excuse me if the whole holiday makes me gag.

Boo, hoo MOOriah

U2 is still cool, relevant and the class of the rock world. Don't try to argue with me, you won't convince me otherwise.
I LOVED the fact that they dominated the Grammy Awards last night but still had the class to acknowledge their fellow nominees. That's the kind of guys they are.
I remember seeing them when they first hit the music scene; wearing their puffy shirts, sporting some really bad semi-hip haircuts and trying to find their signature sound.
I was in a band that did nothing but Zepplin tunes. Somehow I convinced them to play Pride and Two Hearts Beat as One. Funny thing was when we played out, those songs were are most popular. I remember fooling around with an ex-boyfriend while the Joshua Tree album player over and over and over again. I stood first row for one of their shows and even had Bono singing "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" while standing right above me. Some pretty good memories there. One thing there's no denying about this band is the power and star-quality of their frontman.
I love Bono, always have. Even when he had a mullet, wore clothes that looked like Prince rejects and sported that sloppy poneytail during the Joshua Tree days. There's something in his voice. A sigh, a yearning. Almost a beg. I love his fly-eye glasses, his cool demeanor and the fact that he rolls around the floor with some lucky woman pulled from the audience during their concerts.
Alot of people have criticized him; saying that he walks around thinking he's some sort of prophet. It's nothing but jealousy. He can sing, he can command a stage, hold a crowd in the palm of his hand and then turn around and try to solve the worlds problems. He's not trying to be a martyr folks, he just wants to do good with his fame. Use it to help others who haven't been blessed with the things he has. I could go on and on about him but this writer summed my feelings up even better than I could:
http://www.statepress.com/issues/2006/01/25/arts/695316

Yeah, they can't exactly count correctly in Spanish but you'll never convince me that the wrong band won the big awards last night, so don't even bother trying.

You make a grown girl sick

Why I didn't watch the Super Bowl:
Okay, it is true; I worked almost all night on Sunday but even if I wasn't working I wouldn't have even BOTHERED to tune in to ABC for it's 20+ hours of SuperBowl coverage.
Why might you ask? Why would I miss the most popular sporting event of the year? Well, I have many reasons.
The pre-game show. No, I don't mean the ONfield stuff, I mean the in-studio garbage with whatever retired NFL players they can dig up who find the need to break the game down before it even happens and debate who's going to win and why. Seriously, does anyone REALLY give a fuck what these guys think? Most of them have taken so many hits to the head that they're lucky if they can tie their shoes.
The pre-pre-game crap. All that overly orchestrated, choreographed onfield Up With People bullshit. What ever happened to the good old marching band? Or maybe some mascots getting out there and beating the piss out of each other. I'd like to meet the people who organize this crap and ask them exactly what group of humans they are trying to appeal to because personally...I haven't met anyone who likes it.
The anthem. As much as I loathe Whitney Houston (see my blog from Sept.16) no one has done any kind of decent anthem since. At least on a football field. Marvin Gaye did one back in the late 70's/early 80's at an NBA event that brought the house down. God love Aretha Franklin but she has gotten so full of her big black ass that I can't tolerate looking at her anymore. What exactly was Aaron Neville doing there? He's from Nah'leans. When they finally get their crap together, he's got the gig but in Motown? Come on.
The half-time show. Okay, this is where I REALLY get aggitated. Once again, the game is in Detroit; the ex-music capital of the freakin world and what do they do? Do they call Barry Gordy? Wrong! They bring in a british band whose average age is DEAD! I'm so glad I didn't have to witness any close-ups of Mick Jaggers wrinkley, old ass or watch Keith Richards hack hair balls onto the stage. Don't get me wrong, I know they're rock legends but rock is all about anger and rebellion, not about botox and viagara. That's why this line in the movie I named my blog after always cracks me up:
Dennis Hope: If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age fifty, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.

Save the plastic but kill the trees

After working my first full 7 days as a cashier at the local grocery store chain I've learned alot of things about people. Basically, almost all of you seem to leave your brains at the door. What is it about shopping for groceries that makes ordinary sane people turn into stark raving idiots?
For one....the Paper People. You know who you are. I can spot you a mile away now. You're people with money who keep your wallet in a vice and dress either like the homeless or like you just came from NY fashion week.
Let me show you the cuts on my hands just because you're thinking you're being environmentally friendly by taking paper instead. I look like I have a vicious cat at home. Guess what, i do have a way of getting my revenge on you. I pack those bags so heavy that you'll be lucky if you can lift them out of your cart! BAHAHAHAHA! Suffa' bitch!
Even more annoying than the PP's are the PIP's. The Paper In Plastic people. What the fuck is THAT?!?! What is the point? These people also seem to shop once every two months.
Then there's the people who you just can't seem to bag their groceries perfect enough. Well, ya know what? If you put your shit onto the conveyor in the order you want it bagged it would make my life alot freakin easier. Instead you treat me like some sort of idiot because I can't be a mind reader and know how you want them. Look, just be happy your bread isn't smushed and your eggs aren't crushed. I didn't know there was a law against putting produce on the top of cans.
Then there's the genuises that don't weigh their produce, even though there's a scale that prints out labels and barcodes all OVER that department. Then they give me dirty looks and attitude because I don't know what a leek is. WTF would I use a leek for? I'm 7 days into this job and I haven't learned every produce code yet. Save us all some time there Einstein, weigh and label the shit okay?
And people wonder why cashiers are so cranky....

Woof!!

Turns out even CNN.com is pimping Puppy Bowl II.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/03/tv.kicking.superbowl.ap/index.html

Kick off (or Lick Off) is at 3pm Sunday

My money's on Cha-Cha the Springer Spaniel for MVP!!

http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/puppybowl/bios/chacha.html