Public Service Announcement

And now, a message from Pathological Liars Anonymous.

"Hello, my name is Tommy Flanagan, and I'm a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous. In fact.. I'm the president of the organization!
I didn't always lie. No, when I was a kid, I told the truth. But then one day, I got caught stealing money out of my mother's purse. I lied. I told her it was homework -that my teacher told me to do it. And she got fired! Yeah, that's what happened!
After that, lying was easy for me.I lied about my age and joined the army. I was thirteen at the time. Yeah.. I went to Vietnam, and I was injured catching a mortar shell in my teeth. And they made me a three-star general!
And then I got a job in journalism, writing for the National Enquire.. er, Geographic! Yeah.. I was making twenty thousand a ye.. month! In fact, I won the Pulitzer Prize that year! Yeah, that's the ticket.And then my cousin died - Joe Louis - and I took it hard. Maybe too hard - I tried to kill myself. Yeahh.. I did kill myself! Sure! I was medically dead for a week and a half! It was a woman that brought me out of it - Indira Gandhi! Yeah, right.. And she told me about Pathological Liars Anonymous.
Oh, you'd be surprised how many famous people belong. In fact.. at one of the meetings I met my wife - Morgan Fairchild! Yes, I'm a changed man now, and all because of Pathological Liars Anonymous. Why, I - I even have my picture on the cover of Newsweek magazine. Yeah. Every day! Yeah.. that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!

Detroit leaning....

You Should Drive a Ford Shelby Mustang Cobra

You have an extreme need for speed, even when you're not in a hurry. And while your flying by, you don't want to look like every other car on the road!

What 2007 Car Should You Drive?

I had to laugh while taking this quiz...as to what my driving attitude is like. It's ALWAYS "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LANE!!"
But then again, if I'm in the left lane doing 10 miles over the speedlimit, what the fuck are these goofballs doing tailgating me? The way I look it at is if you have to get there that quickly, LEAVE EARLIER!

They ain't no Annie or Molly

There are times to bitch, complain, vent until you're red in the face..and then there are times to just sit back and enjoy simple stuff. Something that just makes you say "awwww".
I had that kind of moment this morning when my buddy Christine sent me this picture of her two dogs; Dottie and Shorty.
What makes this picture even sweeter is the fact that both of these dogs were pound rescues; orphans basically, who are now enjoying the rough life of walks, toy hedgehogs and dog beds in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Yeah, it's the hard-knock life for them..can't you tell?

From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska

Did you ever read something online while at work that made you laugh so hard that three people came into your office to see what they were missing?
And to those in my family who are reading this...you know why!

Top Ten Signs You've Been Living With Your Parents Too Long
10. They withold Social Security from your allowance
9. You notice that "old person smell" but it's coming from your room
8. You have to explain to your children that you can't take them to the zoo today because you're grounded
7. The annual "growth chart" marks on the hallway door indicate you are getting shorter
6. The blue of your Smurf sheets match your vericose veins
5. You were grounded for drinking the last can of Ensure
4. You excitedly beg your mom to buy that new cereal, the one with the high fiber
3. Stopped stealing their liquor; started stealing their Lipitor
2. Last night you were grounded because you stayed out too late with your wife
1. You can't go to Vegas until you eat all your vegetables

A Night at the "thea-tah"

Last night I went to see The Lion King at the local Auditorium "Thea-tah". (I have to write it how the snobs say it)
I haven't been to see a live musical in a couple years but I was definitely looking forward to it because nothing beats a live experience not to mention the magic of Disney and my love of the original animated movie.
I will get to my review of it in a bit but first I have to talk about the whole experience of going to see a musical locally.
Rochester isn't known for much. Okay, we had George Eastman which was something to be proud of until Eastman Kodak laid off half of the town. (granted, it wasn't HIS fault) We had the riots, which I heard SO much about when people found out I was moving here and we have serial killers. What some people don't know about Rochester is it's VERY artsy. People really enjoy and love to experience the arts in it's many forms here so musicals tend to create a big buzz. Especially one as loved and renowned as The Lion King.
If you drove by the building where these events are held, you wouldn't give it a second glance. Infact, the armory across the street would probably get your attention instead. (most people are fascinated by anything that looks like a castle; I know I am!) Once inside however the building takes on the aura and charm of a classic thea-tah house. The carpeting, the wooden railings and the whole pre-show excitement. Not to mention it's a prime people-watching place. Make that people staring. There was alot of staring going on. It's a place to see and be seen I guess.
One thing I notice that people at the thea-tar love to do is tell total strangers how they've seen that nights production in other cities. You don't even have to ask; the person sitting next to you will offer up this information and never even introduce themselves. Then they will give you a list of all the musicals or plays that they've seen in the last two years. Granted, I wish most total strangers were this friendly but it seems that it's more of a speech of domination. They've got season seats, they've seen every production at the venue the last five years so what gives you the right to sit next to them? You better have some ammunition or they may never speak to you again.
Now on to my review.
Unfortunately I can't give as glowing a write-up as I had hoped. It could be for many reasons but here are mine.
Most of the cast were not strong singers or actors; they didn't command the stage or demand your attention. I sat there many times hoping for a puppeteer to come on stage again and break up the bore. Mufasa seemed to be trying to do a cheap James Earl Jones impression, it wasn't even that sad when he died. Scar was good but not exactly scary, he was more weird than intimidating...and shouldn't a villainous lion be at least a LITTLE scary? Simba young and old were average; not great actors and so-so singers. I couldn't help but wonder what Wayne Brady could do as older Simba. The hyennas comic timing was lousy and most of the time, they just weren't funny. How come they cracked me up in the movie and I didn't even giggle at them last night? It's all in the delivery folks.
The worst parts of the show had to be some of the dance routines. And that's saying alot considering they were choreographed by the renowned Garth Fagan. A man who has local ties which SHOULD bring an additional air of excitement. I found alot of it boring, out-of-synch and, most of the time, badly placed. What was the point of dancers suspended in mid-air, half naked and clinging to each other during "Can you feel the love tonight"? The song itself is enough, the production slowed it to a halt and de-tensified the love-connection.
But there were highlights. The opening scene is AMAZING. I had goosebumps. I get them again just thinking about it. So was the opening scene in Act 2. The puppets and puppeteers were first rate; exactly what you'd expect from a Disney production. Timon and Pumbaa were fantastic and funny. Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella are not easy shoes to fill but these guys last night made a hilarious stamp of their own although them doing a charleston instead of a hula to distract the hyennas didn't quite get the laugh they had hoped but Timon's headware was great! The music was outstanding, perfectly loud yet soft and emotion-filled when it had to be.
The biggest star in the production was without a doubt Rafiki played by an amazing South African woman named Phindile Mkhize. I would've been just as happy last night listening to her sing any song w/the puppeteers dancing wildly about her and from what I heard from others as I walked out of the thea-tah, I wasn't alone. She received the loudest cheer of any during the bows, and deservedly so. One reviewer put it best when speaking of her voice "As the wise baboon Rafiki, Phindile Mkhize (new to this cast) sets the vocal tone in the opening number, "Nants Ingonyama,'' when she calls the animals to the introduction of Simba. Her voice pours through the theater, sending a chill down the spine and vibrating through every molecule of air"
If she was a lion, she would be King!

Does March come in like a lion?

Then being a LEO, no wonder I like it. (at least so far)
It's closer to spring, it has St.Patrick's Day in it and makes us meat-eating Christian's take a cow-break every Friday for the next 6 or 7 weeks. Bring on the fish fry!

Here are some other reasons why I like March right now: (have you noticed I've been doing alot of lists on my blog? it's just as confusing to me, believe me!)

It has five Friday pay days in it
It's not February (Valentine's Day..blahhhhhhhhhh)
It's not November or Christmas-time where you have to blow a bunch of money on anyone
The NASCAR season will finally be in full swing which will give me something to do with my Sunday's now that football season is over
BlowOut Season 3 starts on the 21st: You thought The Bachelor or Flavour of Love had Drama Queens in it, wait until you see Jonathan Antin. The guy cries at the drop of a hat. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about men showing their emotions but this dude is a raging, sobbing freak with a beard of a wife and a kid now. What's next?!
America's Next Top Model:Cycle 6 is upon us so it'll be another season full of cat fights where one girl thinks she's more black than the others and someone who's the most irritating of ALL the broads will make it to the Final Three much to the dismay of every viewer
Every day is one day closer to the May 23rd release of the long-awaited Dixie Chicks new CD "Taking the Long Way". Say what you will about their lack of apologies for saying what most American's think by now...these women are amazing musicians and Natalie's voice; hands down the best I've ever heard. Not to mention she gets to bang Adrian Pasdar. To those haters, get a life! I say bring on The Chicks!
Every day is one day closer to Brokeback Mountain being released on DVD. Sorry but I'm just dying to see Heath and Jake makeout!
And lastly, every day is one more day closer to the NASCAR race at Watkins Glen!!

You're never too old for Harry Potter

As previously admitted, I'm a Harry Potter fan. Freak, no. Fan, yes. I have all the books, all the movies and two leather HP wristbands. (I ordered one and they sent me one that was different than the one I ordered so I asked them why so they sent me what I ordered and told me to keep the one I got for free, NICE!)
Last night I had to run out and buy the new DVD which shows once again that I'm not a FREAK of HP but a fan considering it was released on Tuesday. (Over 5 million sold the very first day)
I did, however, go home and cue it up right away. I did see it on it's release weekend back in 2005 but there are always things you miss at the movie theatre, no matter how quiet everyone is. You could be reaching for your popcorn or your soda and BAM, you miss some dialougue or an important facial expression.
It was amazing; I enjoyed the movie all over again. It made me laugh, cry and it was the scariest of all four so far. At least in MY opinion.

Here are something things that I love about the HP series and the movies:
The friendships: who wouldn't want friends like Harry, Ron and Hermione? Harry's famous and talented, Ron's a kick and Hermione's amazingly smart ALMOST to the point of annoyance but her loyalty and cuteness make up for it.
Fred and George: totally geeky and hilarious, I can't WAIT to see their escapades in movie 5. Hopefully that whole storyline won't be cut.
Hogwarts: who in their right mind wouldn't LOVED to have gone to a school that just LOOKED like that? To get away from your muggle parents for a year, have a "house" of rooms to be part of and eat in the great hall with spooks and spectors everywhere. Although I can't say I'd be thrilled w/those moving staircases.
Snape: that's right, I just love Severus. Even though he seems to be a downright rat at the end of Book 6.....I don't think he's as bad a guy as we're lead to believe. There has to be a reason Dumbledore trusts him. Plus a foe who never bends to the charm of HP makes the movie even better. And he's down-right hilarious beating Ron with a book in movie 4.
The Dark Arts teacher: each year whoever teaches this class endures some bad mojo. Mad Eye Moody was the best and most entertaining of them but wait until you see the freak down-front for movie 5. She makes Snape seem like an ANGEL!
The villians: The death eaters, Barty Crouch Jr, the dementors from Azkaban prison and Valdemort himself. The movies wouldn't be as interesting or scary without them. Granted, the maze in movie 4 was scary without anything else but itself, it's high walls and sounds. Turn up the sound, turn on the surround and turn off the lights. yikes!!

Want to know which HP character you're most like? Clink the link below my results and take the quiz. Believe it or not, I'm Severus Snape, how appropriate!


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

You've got to pick a pocket or two...

Sad news today as one of my favorite 70's screen hero's died; Jack Wild.
Any child of the 70's knows that Jack played on one of the oddest morning kiddie shows; H.R.Pufnstuf. You could tell that people did ALOT of drugs back then because the show was full of talking trees and mushrooms and the houses talked and sneezed. Did I even mention the gold talking flute?
I admit, I had a crush on Jack on that show. Could've been the accent, the Beatles-esque bowl haircut or that wicked yellow shirt and those groovey brown bell-bottom pants. (a yellow shirt and brown pants..who was the stylist?!?!) Any guy who could outsmart a dim-witted witch and her cast of idiots and make friends with a dragon with a southern accent who wore cowboy boots had to be a cool dude. But even better yet; he could sing, dance and be cute all at the same time and somehow not come off looking too light in his loafers.
Jack was also in a great movie called Oliver! It's basically a musical adaptation of the Dicken's story with a great cast of characters, especially his Artful Dodger. He was a perfect pick-pocketing tramp. And talk again about style; high-waters and a top hat...Jack was the MAN!
Unfortunately as all 70's icons seemed to do, Jack had a battle with the bottle throughout his life and smoked like a chimney stack. He even lost part of his tongue and his vocal cords to cancer. Can you imagine? Being a singer and not being able to even TALK?! And from what I can tell by recent pictures I saw of him, although he was only 53 he looked about 20 years older. It's not the years folks, it's the miles.
Somewhere he's singing now; RIP Jack.

It's my weird way of showing I care

It's true, I'm a smart ass. Those who know me best know it, those who have met me briefly know it. The question is, do all people appreciate it? Probably not.
I can name many co-workers who didn't. Social aquaitances who didn't. Do I care? FUCK NO!
I was trained at an early age to be like this. In my family it's pick on someone or get picked on. Sometimes simutaneously. It's harmless fun, it's a deranged way of showing you care or saying that I love you. And there's nothing I like more than making a sarcastic comment that leaves people laughing to the point of tears.
Not only did my family give me the roots of my sipid tongue, but so did TV. In the 70's you couldn't turn the dial without seeing some brilliant smart ass on the screen. (Ah, the golden age of TV) Archie Bunker was one although he was on the less intelligent scale of it. Florence on The Jefferson's was a perfect SA. So was Louie on Taxi. A top SA has to blend both snap and wit. That's why a dumbass is something COMPLETELY different!
One of my all-TIME favorite SA's is Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce from M*A*S*H. To me, he is the king to which all SA wanna-be's look to. I myself have been known to steal a line or two,..or three from him. And I use them to this day. Infact even yesterday I used the "It's the least I can do,..and never let it be said that I didn't do the least I could do" line.

Some great lines here from one of the best episodes:

Col. Potter: Where's your gun?
Hawkeye: Sulking under my cot. We're not at speaking terms.
Col. Potter: Go kiss it and make up. You're taking it with you.
Hawkeye: Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll trigger another argument.
Col. Potter: Pierce, You're taking your sidearm.
Hawkeye: [Holding up each arm in turn] Correct, I'm taking along my right side arm and my left side arm.
Hawkeye: How 'bout a little kiss for the road?
Margaret: Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Hawkeye: Then how 'bout one for me?

[both drunk, under fire, in a foxhole]
Col. Potter: I said fire that weapon.
Hawkeye: All right.
[to the gun] Hawkeye: You're fired.
[to Potter] Hawkeye: I did it as gently as I could.
Col. Potter: That was an order, Pierce.
Hawkeye: [Snapping his fingers] Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please?

Recently they even did a countdown on The Comedy Channel of the Top 10 smart asses. I can't believe I didn't make the cut. Ah well, I never figured I'd get paid for this gift anyway! Instead I'll keep using it with my family and friends...it's the gift that just keeps ON giving, and giving, and giving....