It's my weird way of showing I care

It's true, I'm a smart ass. Those who know me best know it, those who have met me briefly know it. The question is, do all people appreciate it? Probably not.
I can name many co-workers who didn't. Social aquaitances who didn't. Do I care? FUCK NO!
I was trained at an early age to be like this. In my family it's pick on someone or get picked on. Sometimes simutaneously. It's harmless fun, it's a deranged way of showing you care or saying that I love you. And there's nothing I like more than making a sarcastic comment that leaves people laughing to the point of tears.
Not only did my family give me the roots of my sipid tongue, but so did TV. In the 70's you couldn't turn the dial without seeing some brilliant smart ass on the screen. (Ah, the golden age of TV) Archie Bunker was one although he was on the less intelligent scale of it. Florence on The Jefferson's was a perfect SA. So was Louie on Taxi. A top SA has to blend both snap and wit. That's why a dumbass is something COMPLETELY different!
One of my all-TIME favorite SA's is Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce from M*A*S*H. To me, he is the king to which all SA wanna-be's look to. I myself have been known to steal a line or two,..or three from him. And I use them to this day. Infact even yesterday I used the "It's the least I can do,..and never let it be said that I didn't do the least I could do" line.

Some great lines here from one of the best episodes:

Col. Potter: Where's your gun?
Hawkeye: Sulking under my cot. We're not at speaking terms.
Col. Potter: Go kiss it and make up. You're taking it with you.
Hawkeye: Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll trigger another argument.
Col. Potter: Pierce, You're taking your sidearm.
Hawkeye: [Holding up each arm in turn] Correct, I'm taking along my right side arm and my left side arm.
Hawkeye: How 'bout a little kiss for the road?
Margaret: Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Hawkeye: Then how 'bout one for me?

[both drunk, under fire, in a foxhole]
Col. Potter: I said fire that weapon.
Hawkeye: All right.
[to the gun] Hawkeye: You're fired.
[to Potter] Hawkeye: I did it as gently as I could.
Col. Potter: That was an order, Pierce.
Hawkeye: [Snapping his fingers] Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please?

Recently they even did a countdown on The Comedy Channel of the Top 10 smart asses. I can't believe I didn't make the cut. Ah well, I never figured I'd get paid for this gift anyway! Instead I'll keep using it with my family and friends...it's the gift that just keeps ON giving, and giving, and giving....