Good news, great support and going forward

It's amazing what a difference a week makes! Scares like last week really put things in perspective. When you think you health and life are threatened....it's amazing what runs through your mind. Just things like packing up Christmas items and thinking "I wonder who will use these when I'm gone?"
If that wasn't an example how worrying is such a monumental waste of time.

I will say one thing, you realize who your real friends are. I only shared my fears with a few people and they were INCREDIBLY supportive. I will remember that too.

So the test itself wasn't bad at all. Took only about 5 minutes total. I was a nervous wreck though. And then after the machine turned off....I just waited...and waited. Nothing. Add to that the fact that I had to keep my eyes closed. Finally I started speaking loudly "Hello? Is anyone in here? HELLO?!" Someone did reply to me. They had called a doctor to take a look at the scans. WHAT?!?!? The lady told me that it was only to confirm that they did all the scans correctly. She also told me that if he noticed anything serious they would've kept me there. (which I know is true after having my leg scanned when I had blood clot.)

I finally heard from my Dr.'s office Friday telling me that the scans came out fine. I was SO relieved!! You don't mess around with the brain. People always told me that I needed my head examined. lol! Although I'm still having issues, at least the serious things that could cause it have been ruled out. Now it's just solving the mystery.Next stop, the ear, nose and throat folks.

The worse wort is worry

I've read all the quotes about worry "like a rocking chair, keeps you busy but gets you no where", "a down payment on a problem you may never have", or even "don't worry, be happy". But I am worried. I admit it. I'm trying to fight that feeling, but....it just keeps sneaking back.

My solution to worry is many things. Talking about, praying about it, listening to Joyce Meyer and now, blogging about it. I have to do some internet investigation on how else to deal with it because it's not working. And it only paralyzes me.

My fear is health related. I've had an issue lately that, right away, makes me scared something major is going on in my body. So the fear is...what lies ahead, of course. What is it exactly? What will I have to endure to eradicate it? It's a fear that makes me cry, and shake and even slows down the work I've done on getting ready to move. It's all consuming. And as the day gets closer to the tests I'm going for, my fear is just overwhelming. Especially today. All I want to do is sit in front of the TV for escape. Watch moves, watch comedies, watch old black and white movies, listening to hilarious stand up, but it's not relief for long. Then reality comes sneaking back in again.

I've always been a strong person, but I wonder if the worst is an actuality....how strong I really am? If the last couple weeks is any indication.....I'm not. I'm already scared, but is that just the mystery of what the issue is? Will the truth scare me even more?

I'm glad of one thing; I've been able to sleep at night. I purposely stay up late until I'm REALLY tired and then go to bed; hoping I won't wake up in the middle of the night. Why is it that your worries are even worse if you wake up at around 3am? It's terrible waking up then, getting back to sleep can be next to impossible. It's the bewitching hour - are there really evil forces at play?

So I'll continue to blog about this. Tomorrow's just the tests so...I might not know more then. Hopefully I'll have some nice people taking care of me; that makes a BIG difference in the whole experience. I'll never forget when I went to emergency for my blood clot, the people who first talked to me were SO insensitive! Fortunately, they got nicer as soon as I was admitted. I even ended up seeing a familiar face there - which was funny!

Hopefully if the rains come, I will adjust and dance in it! :)

2015....and the move

Well 2015 started off with a bang. I got laid off...AGAIN. Just 6 days into the new year. Crazy I know but in a lot of ways, I'm relieved. I didn't feel like this job was working out and I wasn't very happy there.

So now what? Things have been lining in the past few months that have lead me to the conclusion that I need to move back east with my family. Honestly, I've been thinking about it heavily for the last 3 years. I've just had to overcome some mental and "physical" obstacles to really "get there".
Where I live now is the longest I've lived any where in my life. To the point where this city became home to me. That was why when my Mom retired, I stayed here.
You get to a point in your life though where the priorities you had in your younger years aren't as important or don't exist.

Maybe some will say I'm running away; but I'm not. I don't have a lot of bad memories to run from. I have great memories here. I just don't feel like I have much of a life here anymore. I spend  more and more time by myself. Most of my friends have married and have moved on with their own lives. There isn't anything here that I can't get back home. Plus I'll be able to spend more time with my family. I have family back east who I rarely see as my time back home is so limited. I have cousins, I am Italian after all, who I rarely spend time with. I could be doing things with them, or my sister or my Mom, or my nieces and nephews instead of spending time by myself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy. I just think I could be a lot happier.

There are some negatives to leaving here; I am leaving an AMAZING apartment. I will never find anything this nice and affordable! I will miss all the places I've become so accustomed and comfortable with. I will DEFINITELY miss Wegmans!

But weigh that with what I'll be gaining! My family, the doggies, the beautiful city of Saratoga Springs, living near where I grew up, near the Adirondacks, the lakes, the mountains.....who wouldn't go?